Serendipity

after a long flight. It’s gay that I have hella homework to do. ]:

I’m going to miss some of the good things of going there, such as have a weekly allowance from my aunt, or being able to say “I go to a private school” for college resume. I’m going to miss all the unique extra elective class, like my Piano class; I don’t even know, if Milpitas is going to offer AP 2D Design. I don’t know what else, but that some of the things I am going to miss about going to Valley. NOT THE PEOPLE, that is for sure. OH, just remember, I am going to miss all the brand new Macs at my school.]:

I was hiding out at my aunt salon, when two Mexican girls walked in, making the whole place smell like weed.

so ima downloading The AristoCats to watch.(:

someone who I can count on, and say is mine. 

I’m not like still hella down over you, I have moved on. But even though I have moved on, if you were to ask me back, I would say yes in a heartbeat. But I am over you.(:

Just miss you every now and then. I really just want someone to hold me, someone to love. That person doesn’t have to be. I just want to find someone new.

I’m trying to be okay, I’m trying to be happy, I’m trying to stay positive, but you see it’s not working out so well. I’m better, but I’m not absolutely happy. I hate the feeling of being alone. I miss the feeling of being in your arms. When I think it over, I think that I haven’t been that sad over you because i have other things to deal with, other things that got me even more down. I was debating to go to MHS, like my mommy think its a good idea, so my daddy can pick me up and spend time with me. I don’t know, but hey at least you won’t be there next year. Your graduating this year. So I wouldn’t have to deal with that. But If you really want to know what bother me more then you, is the fact that I might be living off the street really soon. At the moment my mother, brother, and I are having financial problems at the moment. We struggle to find money for food, and the fact that their deducting our food stamp money is not helping. At the moment, with the cruise coming up, my mom is trying to buy me and my brother new clothes; but I’m afraid we don’t have the money for that. I don’t want to use money for unnecessary things. I always ask her where is she goign to get the money to buy these things.]: And my mom only caring for me, is willing to take me out of Vally, because I’m completely unhappy there, at the cost of our house. My aunty weeks later hearing the news calls my mom and says all sorts of inappropriate things, telling my mom that we would live on the streets without here, that I would become a hooker to bring home money to give to my mom and that I would get into drugs. Saying that I already smoke cigarettes, which a complete lie, I high dislike them. She also said that my bother would get into a gang and start selling drugs. It was just all bad. My aunt told my mom that we were no more family to her. And already my mom doesn’t consider my grandma as her mother anymore. I don’t know what to do, so much stres and drama. My mommy wants me to show them, that without them I will be sucessful still. But I don’t think I’m worth anything. But I hate that I can’t go to anyone about this. I just want someone to hold me tight and tell me things will be fine. I hate how my mom friend is always showing off to my mom, I feel bad, because without me she wouldn’t have to be going through all this. I really think I’m just a big disappointment to her life. I really just want someone to cuddle with right now. I have so much more problems but I don’t know, not like they matter. Mister, I get those scary thoughts again. Always have been.